As I write this particular post, I feel depressed and lonely. With me is a good friend who I am sure cannot help but feel the same…A week ago, I was sitting at my favorite hang-out, Cilantro Zamalek branch. The place is too small and so you inadvertently become partner to each and every person's conversation. I was sitting next to a group of two girls and two guys. The conversation that ensued was intolerable to me… I did something against my nature – I actually interfered. It went as follows:
Tarek: Sometimes I start to think about why Allah created us
Islam: Don't think. You shouldn't think about these things. Some things you must take for granted. If you start asking questions, you have no idea where you mind will lead you. You should not ask.
Tarek: But Allah created us with a mind to think…
Islam (interrupting): To think about useful things… not about these things. Why don't you focus on thinking about things which may be more useful to your life?
I don't quite remember the point at which I interfered. I know why I did… This seems to have become a common occurrence for me: people calling for others or me to stop thinking. One person told me it was a sense of romanticism that is not very useful. Another told me that the mind seduces you into the wrong direction and that you should control what you think. Yet another fine young lady told me that I bring myself useless headaches. There is a consensus: we should narrow our framework of acceptable thoughts.
Now had this come from people who were of mediocre education, I would have let it pass. But these reactions have come from people who are well-educated, who belong to Egypt's social and cultural elite – some of them even had their share of education abroad. Everyone seems protective of the framework in which they found themselves, and the thought of the sanctity of this framework being violated is very disturbing to them.
I claim to have a deep respect for other people's ideological and spiritual choices. To take this respect to another dimension, I also respect the depth at which people choose to reach in their ideological and spiritual wanderings. I am very happy for all those who have found their framework and no longer feel the need to pose any questions. This is indeed a blessing. But unless members of this group have answers to my questions, they should respect my choice to continue to question. It is conceivable that I choose to have much less of my beliefs as off-limits for my mind. In the end, any form of spiritualism requires a leap of faith, but I can choose to make my leap of faith narrower.
The dear friend of mine sitting with me introduced me to a great thinker: Ibn Ata'a Al-Sakandary. Why do I choose to think? I believe he has the answer. Ibn Ata'a once said:
إرادتك التجريد مع إقامة الله لك في الأسباب من الشهوة الخفية
This roughly translates to: "Your choice to fail the means provided to you by Allah answers an internal desire". What does this mean: it means that each of us has a role, and failing this role can only take place due to a lack of courage. It is the role of some to think… and out of those many who think, some will come up with original thoughts that will change this world (not me off course). This is how the greatest ideas in the world (including the world of Islam) came to existence.
For those who have found all the answers they need: hope to join you soon. For those who haven't: keep trying and never let anything stop you. Do not fail your courage.
